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Are you going to just enjoy Christmas and ignore your ED?

Discussion in 'ED General' started by Deleted_Rock Rabbit, Dec 16, 2018.

  1. I only have one day I'll be eating with someone so it's easy enough for me, but I make a point of letting myself eat on special days anyway.

    How about you? Do you have the courage to just enjoy your food for a bit? And not purge?
  2. I don't know how well it will go, but I'm sure as hell going to try.
    Deleted_Rock Rabbit likes this.
  3. I wish I could. It's a holiday to celebrate the birth of Jesus, I should be less selfish I think.

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  4. I'm not gonna enjoy it. I'm on a meal plan now and my family are always watching what I'm eating really closely, so I'll be too scared to eat much, or eat anything 'unhealthy', with everyone watching me. Plus there's no way they'll let me get away with purging. I'll be uptight all Christmas.

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    FloatingIsland and Quinn Fabray like this.
  5. I wish.
    Quinn Fabray likes this.
  6. planning on taking lax the day before so i can fake a gastroenteritis and ask grandma to make me some rice ONLY
    thats fkinnn saddd
    woolenlace likes this.
  7. On the day, yes. Then I need all the food out of my sight immediately so I can get back to restricting
    haihana and starvingkraken like this.
  8. Can you stop being an addict and just not do drugs? Or sh? It's E A S Y :)

    No. I can't. If it would be that simple, sites like this wouldn't exist in the first place[​IMG]

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  9. Up to a point, yes. Work Christmas lunch, and Christmas Day itself, I will eat what I like/want, but try not to get overfull because I don't enjoy that feeling anymore. But other days I will make up for it with exercise and restriction as much as I can.
  10. There's always a lot of tasty food, but my family is extremely triggering so it's hard to indulge. There's a lot of talk about weight and how everyone looks compared to each other. This past Thankgiving my sister cracked a painfully-exposing joke in front of everybody about the damage all this criticism has caused. It was inspiring for me. I want to try harder to have a nice holiday.
  11. i'm going to enjoy christmas, yes, but i can't do it if i'm ignoring my ED. i'm at this point rn where food and exercise anxiety is so high i think the best way for me to relax on christmas is to indulge slightly in ED behaviours so i feel more like i deserve the niceties of christmas lol

    so im gonna exercise for a bit that day and the day before
    pizzaeater likes this.

  12. Some of us can and do though, hence the question :)
  13. Hell no. I'm treating it like any other day.
  14. I'll try to. This thanksgiving was the first holiday I actually felt recovered; i.e gave very few fucks about what I ate and it felt GREAT. But it's been a struggle since. I'm really not happy with my weight anymore, I hate how tight my jeans and boots are. I know it's going to bother me on christmas.
  15. I have a feeling I'm going to over-eat, which I guess is technically one of my behaviors. (Sigh)

    I did okay with thanksgiving though. But Christmas is hard.
    starvingkraken likes this.
  16. i'm going to over eat and purge

  17. #17 Ellerin, Dec 16, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2018
    I am going to really try my best to from December 21st (midday) to dinner time January 7th. That’s a really long time though and the closer it gets, the worse I’m feeling.

    I’ve had this whole story line going in my accountability thread where I was going to lose as much weight as possible before going to my parents’ on the night of December 20th and so that I was basically doing compensatory weight loss for a binge period, but in advance so that gaining a bit for my parents/to not make Christmas about ED/to be a role model for recovering youngest sister would be fine in my head. Despite the roller-coaster of a shit show this has ended up being, I’m laying here barely functional at the end of the 9th day of my 13 day 12 hour fast and it might actually work - I might actually hit BMI 18.5 by the 20th (already there in new BMI and because of kgs of loose skin from having been BMI 40 I look under already)...

    ...and now I’m getting really scared this was a trap the whole time. In this 43 day accountability storyline I had to go to a Christmas meal and I needed help with not seriously hyperventilating, I went to the bathroom to use the bathroom and immediately my brain was like “fucking purge” and and the second I even sat down at the table and saw a totally standard bread roll and butter (carbs with sodium-fuelled bloat fat to smear on it) I just knew it’d be hard. In the end I succeeded...which triggered binging, and I’m essentially telling myself a two week binge is ok because it’ll mostly be water bloat and I pre-lost for it.

    It’s not ok though and I’m honestly so damn scared. I don’t want to be 1kg heavier, much less the 5-7 I’m expecting. My parents are going to freak out when they see me anyway and what if I just trigger my sister by even showing up?? It feels like I’m so close to the 130s and there’s a thread in higher BMI forum for 140s - I know it’s because I’m tall but seeing my weight in there is so hard and I could get out of it if I just keep going a bit further. Also I’m going to see the dietetics team on January 8th and I’ll be so big and bloated they’ll just think I’m wasting their time and shouldn’t be there.

    In short, I want to so badly. I’m going to try to, even if I have to go back to my old ways of binging instead of restricting. I really want to try, but losing ahead of time has been a trap my ED set up for I think. I’m just scared.
  18. I mean, I'll want to die the whole day anyway, why not try and enjoy it??
  19. I'm not coming at you, because I understand why you might not be able to. But this statement seems a little invalidating towards those that are able to put their ED aside for the holiday, as though they're not sick enough to be on here. I know that's probably not how you meant it, but it's kind of how it comes off.
  20. Definitely not
    Nothing is staying down in the next 2 weeks