Do you guys ever like...not care?

Discussion in 'ED General' started by sintas, Mar 15, 2019 at 3:18 AM.

  1. Like at all.
    Usually when I eat at maintenance or binge I hate myself and feel disgusting, want to die, the usual. But the past five days I've been eating around 2000 (what I generally consider "binging", though not as bad as some of my older binges), and I just. can't. care. Like I can't be bothered to. I'm so exhausted from caring so much, that today I felt like eating cheese and bread, and just did it, and didn't even feel sorry for it.

    I know this isn't getting me any closer to my goals. I know it's just making me complacent, but it's honestly been kind of peaceful. Like there's no voice screaming at me to get back on track...like I'll get to it when I get to it.

    I'm almost wondering if this is a good thing? Maybe I'll stop caring about food so much and be able to restrict after taking this breather.
     
  2. Yeah lol. The last couple binges I’ve had I was just like “fuck it”

    You’re right that it’s extremely exhausting to stress so much. I’ve had moments like this before, but the anxiety always comes back in the end
     
  3. Yeah that's me lately. It's kind of refreshing but it also doesn't feel positive either, ya know?
     
    sintas, Nenuphar, Kale and 1 other person like this.
  4. literally me right now.

    I'm eating a sandwich with no idea of the calories
    I didn't measure the milk on my cereal
    I'm not stressed about family dinner
    I might get bubble tea just because.

    My brain is just so done. I haven't felt this sick of myself (and also this free) in 5 years... or more
     
    sintas, Chettah, Kale and 2 others like this.
  5. Yessir

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  6. My exact sentiment

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    sintas, Karl Marx, Kale and 1 other person like this.
  7. sometimes but it never lasts
     
    meadow23 likes this.
  8. Yes. It's so weird, like last year I was like that for 5 months
    I thought I was recovered and was like wtf???? I ate a kit kat and that was it lol I just didn't care anymore
    I was maintaining, barely exercising, it was good but I was feeling very lonely, like I didn't know what to do with myself anymore
     
    jennabelle and Kale like this.
  9. I relate to every post in this thread. But especially this one. Like... I don't give a shit about the act of restriction anymore. I'm frustrated that I keep maintaining, but I'm also not mad that I'm maintaining. This reads back like crazytalk but I'm very serious. Yet at the same time I really don't want to try to let this go for good, because it feels all fucked and wrong if I actively try to resist the urge to restrict when it's there.
     
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  10. I usually get that in an obviously positive sense when I'm happy about something, for example when I'm feeling loved by a new partner and currently fine with my body (chances of this occuring: 0.001 % lmao).

    Sometimes I get it after extreme binging, knowing that restricting will just make binging worse and is my only way out of it.

    Either way, it is at the same time challenging and relaxing. It's exposing oneself to a huge fear, which can definitely be beneficial for a healthier mindset. Therefore I think it can be a good thing.
     
    Katydid likes this.
  11. Every weekend. I end up not caring on Saturday nights. I usually plan some good old comfort food in the crock pot and just go to town at dinner. Plus some kind of evil dessert. And I never regret it. It's like my reprieve from low restriction jail. I mean, a girl's gotta have peanut butter chocolate ice cream at some point in her life, right?
     
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  12. Ive been like that and think to myself "omg im recovering" and other jokes i can tell myself before i step on the scale.

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  13. Yes, its weird. And i always think "fuck it, guess i dont have an eating disorder then".
     
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  14. BUBBLE TEAAAAAAAA!
    My Saturday. Every Saturday.
    Goddamn bubble tea!

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    Polar likes this.
  15. Hm, in a way, but not really.

    I definitely have “fuck it” days, but that doesn’t mean I’ll suddenly be able to eat healthy/normally. I’ll just be compulsively overeating, and although (or maybe because) I’m not, for whatever reason, purging everything I eat, I’ll still feel like shit.
     
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  16. I definitely relate, yesterday I had a ‘fuck it’ day and ate everything probably exceeded 2000 cals but I literally didnt care. Part of me thinks its because I knew I would go back to restricting within a few days anyway and one day of over eating wont affect my weight in the long run
     
  17. Yep yep that’s been me for the past few weeks. The guilt is setting in now though...
     
  18. Literally ME
    Anxiety always wins
     
  19. I’m like this sometimes, especially since I’m close to my ugw? My ed pretty much went away for like a year before and I honestly thought it was a phase but it came back lol. I also barely ever care on my period cos in my mind I can’t really help that
     
  20. This, word for word