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Discussion in 'ED General' started by 02MLM, Aug 15, 2018.
I OPENED THE JAR
I SHOULD NOT HAVE OPENED THE JAR
WHERE DO I HIDE IT
Depressed and exhausted. Thinking about trying to make a doctor's appointment to get antidepressants but I don't feel like I deserve it and not sure if I can afford it anyway.
the mood is hungry and alone and depressed
I want to die
Stir a bunch of dish soap or something nasty and inedible into it then throw it in the trash. (I'm speaking with the voice of experience here lol).
fuck yea vaping helps lolol
Mum: 'Want me to order you some ice-cream?'
Me: 'No thank you'
*30 mins later*
Me:' *thinking about going out in the cold to buy some ice cream*
Thank you <3
i’m only up 2 lbs after spending virtually all day yesterday b/ping. i know for a fact i didn’t purge all of it and i went to bed SO bloated, but woke up to just 2 lbs “gained” after probably 8k+ cals in one day. not happy but that could have been so much worse lmao
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Imagining what I would eat, In careful detail, if calories didn’t count for a week. Doing this in order to feel happy and go to sleep.
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All I can think about is mostly living off SF Jello again for the next couple weeks and how there better be enough of the good flavors tomorrow. I'll be super pissed if there aren't.
I want nothing to do with real food anymore.
ED mood of the day is zoning out in the middle of being trained for the closing shift at work because I could see myself in the mirror of the employee bathroom and impulsively started body checking.
Going into the market to buy a cartload of c/s food, and running into someone you know...
Well I woke up at like 5 something am this morning and stayed awake for about an hour because I was too hungry to go back to sleep and my brain had woken up. Managed to fall back asleep for a little while, so all good.
Wasn't supposed to weigh myself today, I was going to weigh in, wait a day and then weigh in the day after, so that the weight loss (read: water weight) would make it seem like I "lost so much" (I just started restricting again after a week or two of normal eating) but I got too excited and weighed this morning, to find I lost another .4 lbs. So .8 lbs in two days. Can't wait for tomorrow morning.
oh ho it's meal skip time
Today's ED mood is hangry. Intermittent fasting makes me a bitch
But happy that i weight under 60kg for over a long time.
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Having to exercise (HIIT and cardio) before bed despite going to a HIIT class this morning because my scale went up 0.6lb today when really I just need to have a bowel movement... sigh!!! I know that I haven’t been for two days (sorry for TMI) yet my brain still tells me to workout because I am not good enough and have not worked hard enough this week at losing weight irrespective of the fact that I have lost 4lbs.