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Just out of curiosity, which disorder do you most identify with?

  1. Binge Eating Disorder

    4 vote(s)
    3.3%
  2. Bulimia Nervosa

    8 vote(s)
    6.7%
  3. Anorexia Nervosa

    70 vote(s)
    58.3%
  4. ED-NOS

    56 vote(s)
    46.7%
  5. Orthorexia

    5 vote(s)
    4.2%
  6. Other/Don't Know

    13 vote(s)
    10.8%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. You know, a year ago I could’ve given you ten reasons why I need to be thin.

    But at this point, it kind of comes down to I’m just tired. I’m tired of having spent most of the last 15 years overweight. I’m tired of my emotional dependency on food. I’m tired of not being valued as a human being by both myself and everyone else when I’m at a higher BMI. I’m tired of this complete lack of confidence, not being able to dress how I want and feel like myself without being repulsed by my own fat.
     
  2. i just want to be perfect.
     
  3. I'm pretty terrified I'm going to let myself go so I keep relapsing. If I think about it too much, go through it logically, I know I don't have any good reasons. Even before I developed my ED my highest bmi was a healthy 22. Now I just go between 17 and 21.
     
    Still_In_The_Game likes this.
  4. To get down to the weight when life was still good
    to not have flabby thighs
    Looking good for once in my adult life
     
    • because i hate myself and im disgusting and i wanna die a little
    • paradoxically kinda want people to take care of me even though general m.o. is fuck off leave me alone, i probably never will let it happen though
    • i just like how seeing miy bones looks which is i guess fucked up too but like, im not big on self preservation so look how i want wheter is safe or not.
    • just comforting to have a goal.
    • i used to be fatter and im just sick of it i want to be the person smaller than everyone for once
     
    Still_In_The_Game likes this.
  5. I just want to live tbh. I've cancelled so many plans, missed out on so many opportunities, lost so many friends cause they thought I didn't like hanging out with them when in reality I was busy isolating myself cause I didn't want anyone to see my fatass. I want to travel, go to parties, have adventures. I want to be able to do simple things like going out and having a cup of coffee at a cafe with my best friends without worrying that every single person who sees me is disgusted by me or judging me. I just want to live.
     
  6. Bones sticking through

    Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk
     
    Still_In_The_Game likes this.
  7. i want to be difficult to look at, honestly. at the risk of sounding like i’m bragging i’ve gotten a lot of unwanted romantic/sexual attention in the past and i think i want to replace that with concern or disgust bc i hate myself and don’t deserve affection lol

    also cos i have an eating disorder and can’t force myself to eat more despite knowing i’m killing myself


    Sent from the public bathroom i’m crying in using Tapatalk
     
    • People are nicer to me when I'm thin
    • I want a flat chest
    • Maybe my legs will stop looking huge at some point
     
  8. To be thin enough to be a ballerina.

    To be thinner then all the other figure skaters at my rink.

    To get better aesthetic scores in figure skating.

    To self harm and be able to actively show the "wound".


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
     
    Still_In_The_Game likes this.
  9. when i'm thin, people will pay more attention to me

    look better in all clothes
     
  10. Sizeism is very real. And very shitty.

    My BMI has ranged from 38.5 to 20.8. My current goal is 16.6.

    I know exactly what you are talking about. It is like you're invisible when you're overweight. People do not want to look at you or interact with you. Once you become smaller, people begin to smile at you more, hold doors open, and are just more friendly. Fucking assholes.
     
    • To be skinny
    • So I don't look fat (I'm on the lowerish healthy weight range yet look way over my bmi)
    • To feel more confident
    • To show people that they can't stop me, no matter what they think
    • To have control
    • To have more confidence
    • To look good in everything
    • So people are jealous of me and want to have my body and I get attention from them
    • So I can't have sex without feeling as ugly
    • To look so small and sick that everyone worries about me
    • So I don't feel like a failure
    • To be as small as possible, take up as little space as possible, to be the smallest person in the room, I want to be able to look the smallest
    • I want to be able to wrap my fingers around arm and my hands around my thighs with so much space inbetween to prove to everyone all of this, that I am the smallest, that I can take up the least space, that they can't stop me
    • In a twisted way, I feel like I win, getting so far underweight that nothing and no one can help me, no one can stop me, and when I die from it, to me it's like checkmate, the ultimate win
    • Lol, mostly I guess I just want to be smaller and feel more confident and spite everyone to prove that they can't do anything and I 'win'.
     
    Still_In_The_Game likes this.
  11. because i want to
     
  12. so that girls will find me attractive instead of me being the ugly fat lesbian stereotype
    so that im skinnier than my sisters, who have always been petite and beautiful
    so that i can be judged off my personality, not how i look
    so that i can have sex without feeling ugly
    so that i can wear cute clothes without feeling like a whale who needs to hide her body
    so that i can see the looks people give me when they see how much i've lost

    so that i can be happy ^_^
     
    Still_In_The_Game likes this.
  13. At the moment, I want to be thin enough to wear corporate attire for an upcoming research event. It's an international thing too so I have to look good in photos lol
     
    Still_In_The_Game likes this.
  14. 1. To be skinner than my ex (messed up bc they had these problems too)
    2. So all my clothes look baggy
    3. So I can wear crop tops
    4. So ppl get worried
    5. So I can feel in control
    6. So it doesn't weigh me down anymore
    7. To prove myself to everyone who said I wasn't disordered, or wasn't disodereded enough
    8. To maybe someday actually deserve treatment
     
    Still_In_The_Game likes this.
  15. ·for the tight shirts
    ·for the bikinis
    ·for the 0 and 00
    ·for the crop top dresses
    ·to look good in anything
    ·to be confident
     
    Still_In_The_Game likes this.
  16. I'm frikkin failing at everything else in life. Plus, I have no identity any more. What am I if I'm not thin? What am I if I'm not anorexic? But shit - I'm fucking failing at this at the moment frikkin gaining like a mo fo.

    So upset with myself. Can't fail at this to because then what am I? What do I have? Nothing!

    I can literally FEEL the fat as it pumps back up on my body. It stings. As each fat cell fills back up again, it kinda, pings, and it stings as it does so. And each stinging ping reminds me of how much I am failing, first anorexia and therefore... at EVERYTHING!

    I am a loser!
     
  17. I can relate...
    I feel the same.. I feel like being a faliure. I am a failure in everyhting now. career, social skills.. Even with my ED...I failed.

    In my life, everything else was fine..even amazing..apart from my appearance. I got this ED when I was a teen because I wanted to find an identity as a girl/future woman ..to feel worthy, valuable, loveable. The result? After an apparent success that quickly vanished and a several years struggle afterwards I realised that I've failed. I haven t found an identity, a better version of myself, whatsoever.. but I have - indeed- lost everything that I already had..I've lost every single little thing that made me happy.. even the not so many things I liked about myself. I've learned that having anorexia is not a way of achieving an identity...but a certain way of losing it.

    About "failing in everything else in life" .... well..i get it. You are maybe trying to feel valuable for something..to succeed in something..to do something great..This is a great thing..that you want more from yourself. Since you have anorexia..I'm sure that you have a huge willpower...and that you are able to do better and finally succeed in whatever "everything else" means for you...career...etc. if you believe more in you . . From my own experience...I can tell that undernourishing your brain (through not eating enough..having anorexia) won t help you do better in anything... that s for sure. It just makes learning impossible, it makes you withdrawn and .sad..very sad.

    I'm sorry you feel this way...I understand you ..I didn t want to upset you through my reply...I was just trying to say you that you are not alone ..and to show you another perspective of this identity issue....I hope that you will find another better way to cope with these problems that bother you..and that you will be happy and healthy . Kisses !
     
    Still_In_The_Game likes this.